broken

a sad girl who can't be fixed
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why does my body have to be this way?

fat body.

ugly face.

and so much more.

i try so hard.

to put this to an end.

to make a change.

to be happy when i look in the mirror.

but i cave in.

and it never works.

i hate myself for being so weak.

my sister sees what is on my leg.

she points to it.

i fake a smile.

i shrug,

"i don’t know what that is from"

i panic.

it seemed like she believed me.

but i will never know for sure.

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“i don’t know how i feel.
i want love in my life.
and you are the perfect fit.
but i don’t know if i am ready for this
whatever it is
love.
a foolish dream.
a silly crush.
nothing will come out of this.
i keep telling myself:
you will lose a great friend.
your heart will be broken into a million pieces.
so i just remember that.
and i listen to myself.
even if i don’t want to.”

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“remember the time
i told you a lie.
you said saying sorry
don’t make it alright.
remember the way
i promised you, baby
i would stay.
but i don’t want to do this.
because you wont forget it.
i can’t keep living a lie.
i can’t be everything you want me to be
i can’t sleep knowing you,
you cant breathe without me.
you say, remember the trip
we couldn’t afford
my heart on my sleeve
my feet on the dashboard
i’m scared for you
you dwell in the past
if you can’t move on we’re going nowhere fast
but i don’t want to do this
because you wont forget it
but i cant keep living this lie.”

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hold on till may♥

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